Somedays

Signing in...

"Some days aren't yours at all.  They come and go as if they were someone else's days."

These are the lyrics from a song by Regina Spektor called "Somedays".  Interesting song.  Listen if you like.

I've been waking up more frequently these days with this song in my head.  Singing it to myself throughout the day.

I have a condition of some sort.  I'm certain of this.  Perhaps it's just the human condition.  I feel like... I feel like a lot of people out there can relate to it... yet how to describe it?

I wake up not looking forward to the day... not dreading it either.... just, preparing to go through it.  And I go through it.  And there are parts that I enjoy and parts that I don't and mostly just parts that pass meaninglessly.

There's a feeling, a thought, in my head and in my gut.  Dissatisfaction.  And despite the dissatisfaction, likewise I have a lack of motivation.  Maybe it's cus I don't know where I'm going.  Maybe I just don't care to get there.

I honestly don't even know what to say.  It took motivation to finally sit down and write a little bit, and as a result, I'm no longer in the full state of mind of this... this illness.

It may not even be a real illness.  It's in my head and in my gut.  But it causes me to lack.  To not live as I could.  I go to classes, but I'm good about missing them.  That lack of motivation.  I'm realizing that I've got a good job that pays well and gives me the hours I need.  I'm not likely to ever lose the job, despite the economy.  I could work it the rest of my life and live on my own, passing each day, over and over.  I don't have to go to school.  I could just move along with how I am.

But I look at how I am and realize that I don't want this for the rest of my life.  I don't even want it now.  I don't like the feelings that I feel.  I want to succeed and be something...

But I tell ya what, I sure don't have the motivation to go anywhere else.

I'm confused.  I don't like it.  And I feel very stuck.

Re: Somebody That I Use To Know by Gotye (Kimbra)

Signing in...

I haven't posted for a long, long time, blah blah blah... here, read a few comics: http://thisunhappyending.blogspot.com/

I return in order to type my response to a blog post written by Taylor, a good friend of mine.  She talks about the two sides in the relationship that is sung about in Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know."  Really, if you're gonna read this, then you should read her post first.  Linky: http://kansastypewriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/somebody-that-i-use-to-know-by-gotye-kimbra/

You can find the video of the song in her post, but I'll give it to ya here also for easy access while you read mine.

Let's start off with this:  I'm not a fan of this song.  This song is popular because it sounds awesome.  People, of course, can relate to the lyrics and it definitely has a unique twist on the whole heartbreak song idea with it's involvement of both sides, but people like it because it is catchy.  (Just like any popular song out there.)  Here's why I'm not a fan:  Have you ever had a food or drink that you just cannot stomach because of past experiences?  For example, I rarely drink root beer not because I don't like it, but because on two separate occasions I've puked after drinking it.  Sure, my taste buds think root beer is a great idea, but my stomach does not.  As a result, even though root beer itself had nothing to do with my puking (I think) it still remains as a reminder of that ill feeling and no longer seems appetizing.  My dislike for Gotye's radio hit is kinda, sorta like that.

But none of that really has to do with anything.  I'm here to give my own thoughts on its message in response to Taylor's.  I'll clear this first, as a whole, I don't disagree with Taylor on her assessment.  I just have varying thoughts on some of the finer points.

The first thing that Taylor mentions is that the song is "obviously" a break-up song.  I don't so much think so. This song is about the time following the break-up and the (possibly greater) hurt that is found there.  The break-up came and went and is naturally referenced in the song, but that's the thing, it's over.  What they both cry for now is the way things went from there.

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

Only they're not still friends.  They "cut" each other out.  They treat each other "like strangers".  That's where the pain is.  At one point they were so very close.  They were intimate.  They celebrated they're triumphs together and they suffered they're greatest pains together.  But none of that matters now.  And it hurts.

Focus on the way the song is presented.  The two versus talk about the break-up and the pain that they caused each other, but these things are simply remembered in spoken of.  They are not the current problem. Soft voices are used.  It's the chorus that hits in hard.

But you didn't have to cut me off 
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing 
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your of number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

-

Taylor argues that the man (Gotye) set up unreal expectations for the woman (Kimbra).  She says that he never loved her.  I feel that they both loved one another plainly and strongly at one point.  I agree that expectations were set up, but on both sides, and is that not to be expected?  Rather, should that not be the way of it?  Anger and sadness is inevitable in any relationship.  The key is to find that person where the highlights of your relationship are not the bad times, but the countless good ones.  Somebody that you're able to resolve your differences with in order to fully bask in the good.  These two, in the end, were just not gonna be able to make it.  To me, this sounds like a relationship that they tried to make work for too long, and then when the inevitable finally happened, it made everything worse.

Gotye sings: 

I told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

The man that Gotye portrays seems to be a very internal person.  He thinks about and considers most everything, and tries to consider all the angles.  Unfortunately, he seems to have a certain amount of depression (and is something he'll have to learn to work with.)  As a result, in most assessments of people, motives, and situations, it's the negative ones that often stick out to him.  He knows that he and Kimbra have been happy together.  He knew he was able to make Kimbra happy, even if he was secretly dying inside.  He falsely convinced himself that he could and would make be there for Kimbra, even if it meant his own loneliness and unhappiness.  Don't get my wrong, this is not an admirable trait.  It's a plague, if anything.  While he may find success in small instances, he will break at times, and even when he doesn't, Kimbra will notice.  A person can never successfully hide their pain from another that they're so close to.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

Here is another sign of that depression.  When a person starts looking for pain and deceit in everything, that "sadness" becomes addicting since it becomes one of the only ways they can feel.  They realize that is hurts and is bad, but they don't want it to stop.  They're not even sure why.  Maybe it's because it's the only thing they're sure of, and they don't wanna lose that.  Or maybe it's something else entirely.  All that matters is that it's seemingly inescapable.
The end mentioned in the verse is obviously an end to their relationship.  Gotye continuously sees the end coming from every direction, and more than once, he interprets things Kimbra says or does as sure signs of that end.  He truly does resign himself to it and masochistically feeds on it.

Having been close to Gotye, Kimbra knows his personality and the way he looks at things and how he then follows up with an (often negetive) approach, hence:

But I don't want to live that way

reading into every word you say

She realized that Gotye probably rarely spoke the whole truth, often (subconsciously) testing her reactions to situations and words, and often hiding how he truly felt about something.  She admirably tried for a long time to get it right.  To be that woman for him that could lift him up, but it was eventually something she could not handle.

The thing is, he held on because he was almost incapable of letting go.  Meanwhile, she tried for far too long to get it right when it just wasn't something she was capable of doing.  This isn't a dash against her person, but simply a difference between the two that is far too wide.  Finally, she let go.

But as I mentioned in the beginning, this is not a break-up song.  This is post break-up.  Unfortunately, in the wake of a bad break-up things were done and said, and negative memories have festered and grown to blot out the good ones.  More and more Gotye learns to despise Kimbra and Kimbra learns to avoid and forget Gotye.  Even if initially they were able to see both sides and come to somewhat of an understanding, those sentiments are all but forgotten.  Before they know it, the time they spent together had nothing good in it and for both sides, the pain caused was almost entirely the other's fault.  Look at the harshness of the words and listen to the way they are presented.  "You cut me off", "you stooped so low", "you treat me like a stranger." There is nothing but contempt here.  While Kimbra, never actually joins in on the chorus, I've always gotten the impression that it is a mutual message from both of them to the other.

In the end, unfortunately, there will always be something unresolved here.  But hopefully they both learned and gained from the experience.  Hopefully Gotye will find a woman who is able to more easily read him and lift him up, while he is less harsh on both himself and her.  Meanwhile, hopefully Kimbra can find a man who thinks more simply and straight-forward while she learns to be a little more understanding and forthcoming with her own thoughts and emotions.

This song is about two people who once had a very good, strong thing going.  Unfortunately, it never was completely right and it lasted too long.  But that's life and love for ya.  Just gotta learn from it and keep on going.

Sam is signing off.

Go here

Signing In...

I'm co-writing this blog with my lovely girlfriend, Sarah LuluZuluZuzu... so go there: http://zuzuheartsam.blogspot.com/

...Signing Off

BLOG FAIL!

Signing in...

Whatever happened to daily blogs?  Hahahaha... Yeah, well, I've always been good at setting lofty goals.

So this is my first post in... how long?  A month?  Something like that, I imagine...

By the way, I have not abandoned the story I started with you people's wonderful help... I've just neglected to work on it... you know, school and grad stuff and work and going out of town like... every week.  Well not quite.  Whatever.

I haven't even mentioned that I am dating this AMAZING girl!

We call her Zuzu.  She's a princess.  Yeah, I'm dating a princess.  It's pretty legit.

Princess Zuzu.  Oh?  You've never heard of her?  She's one of those cases like you find in The Princess Diaries. Not see it?  You're one of few.  It is very very good and if you don't like it, then you have terrible taste in movies.  My word is law.

Wow, I think I'm a bit slap-happy from staying up so late... REACHING 4:00!

Speaking of not seeing movies that every other person on the planet has seen (don't correct me here), Princess Zuzu seems to have a knack for that.  Out of my top ten movies, she's seen maybe two or three of them... and one of those was only because I begged her to watch.  Sheesh.  Talk about missing out.

Of course, she's the kinda girl who has read all these obscure books that I've never heard of...

I like books.

Do you know what I've realized, there are many times throughout this blog that I have said, "I will talk about that in the future."

...not sure that's ever happened.

Do you see a running theme here?  I'm very good at saying I'll do something and then not doing it...

...ach.

Well we've all got our vices, yeah?  That's but one of mine.

Remind me to do something though, and you increase the chances that I get it done by a good amount!  Long as you're not my parents... haha....

SPEAKING OF MY PARENTS!  They did a very wonderful, extremely unexpected thing.  I am typing this blog post from a brand new Dell Laptop!  It is such a beautiful work of art.  Thank you Mom and Dad!

...that about ends my ramble.  I'm back!  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

...signing off.

Edit 2 hours later:  I seem to have managed to pull an all-nighter... I've hit 6:00.  Ick.
Edit again:  I wasn't exactly comparing Princess Zuzu to the gal that Anne Hathaway plays. (I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that her name is the same as Shakespeare's wife's.)  Rather, I was just comparing her (fictional) situation to her... umm, Mia?  That sounds right...

Caged, Chapter One

Signing in...

This is the first chapter of the community fiction I mentioned in this post. I think it started off fairly well, as I suspected, it completely built off of the characters... primarily here at first, off of Sarah's Emily Miller.  Thanks Sarah.  =)  Also, thank you Sara Stacey for the character you contributed.  It was Andromedea that inspired the "ability" that resides within Emily.  And don't worry, Andromedea will definitely make a (major) appearance later on.

At this point, I don't really have a strong direction.  I'm kinda just going with this.  This whole first chapter just evolved as I wrote it.  Like I said though, I think it's definitely started well.  I like it.

I dedicate this first chapter to the previously mentioned Sarah.  It was her pokemon fanfic that inspired me to do this in the first place and also, as I already mentioned, her character that got the story rolling.  Thanks a billion, Sarah!

Btw, the title is kinda just something random I came up with.  It will most likely change in the future.

And without further ado...

Caged, Chapter One, 1, I

The tamarin peered down at the simple girl who had entered its cage with an assortment of fruit for its morning meal.  The tamarin’s brother swung, climbed, and scampered down from the branches in which he had been sleeping until the creak of the gate had wakened him.

“There ya go, Michael.  Hope you enjoy it!” the girl said sweetly, holding out a hand in accordance with custom.  As was natural on these mornings when the girl was the one to bring in the food, Michael jumped straight up and gave the girl’s hand a slap before picking up a piece of fruit and nibbling on it.

“Sam, are you gonna come down also or just stay up there all morning, you lazy bum?”  Ignoring the allure that the girl always had, unlike most humans that passed by or even most of the other zookeepers like her, Sam neglected to come down.  Still, to show her that he wasn’t just being lazy, but rather just didn’t have an appetite, he jumped into a nearby nest of branches and settled down, letting his long, golden-brown hair, slightly damp with the morning dew, soak up the warm sun.

“Well, fine then!  See if I care!” she said with a fake annoyance.  As she left the cage and closed the gate behind her, she called back up to him with a large smile, “See you tomorrow morning, Sam!”

“Her name is Emily Miller.  She’ll be a senior next fall at Southwest High and works here five mornings a week during the summer.  This is her third summer here and tends to get along well with most of the animals she works with.  Beyond her excellent work ethic, she has no outstanding accomplishments or other characteristics to set her apart from the crowd,” said a tall, pale, and thin man in his forties, reading from a clipboard to his partner next to him, a shorter but equally pale and thin figure.  They were sitting on a bench just within hearing distance of the Golden Lion Tamarin exhibit.  The girl, Emily, shuffled passed them without acknowledgement.

“Hey there!” said the shorter one with a crooked smile.  “Excellent morning, isn’t it?”

“Er, yeah,” Emily replied softly with a tiny smile as she quickly continued on her way.

“So, that’s our objective?” asked the shorter man, also roughly ten years the other man’s junior, once the girl was out of hearing distance.

“Yes.  Daughter of Patrick and Stacy Miller.  Youngest of four and the only female child.  She keeps average grades in school and-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Get to the important parts, Catch,” cut in the younger man impatiently.

“I was just about to get to that, Press,” Catch replied sternly with a slight air or authority in his voice.  “As you should have seen, she has a way with animals.  They react with energy when she is around and while they most likely do not actually understand her words, it seems likely that they can better sense her intentions than with most people.”

“Okaaay,” Press replied, now slightly annoyed in return.  “Jeez, how did I get paired with such a stick in the mud like you anyway?”

“Don’t complain,” Catch said flatly.

Press stood up and stretched his legs.  “Well, are we gonna get after it or just sit here all day?”

“So long, Daniel!” said Emily cheerfully as she headed towards the exit, finished with her duties for the day.  Daniel was one of Emily’s managers, the one who had hired her the summer before her sophomore year, and one of the very few people Emily was comfortable talking to.  Only a year her elder, he had started working at the zoo at a relatively young age due to his family connections to the head zoo-keeper.  His experience toppled with strong leadership skills had raised him to manager status by his sophomore year in high school.  Having now graduated, this was his last summer at the zoo before he would be moving one hundred miles away to attend college.

Before Daniel even had a chance to say anything in reply, the seventeen-year-old girl was out the door and headed to her beat-up hand-me-down silver sedan.  Collecting himself, he ran through the door and after her.  Emily looked back with surprise at the approaching footsteps.  “Did I forget something?” she inquired.

“No no,” he said as he slowed to a trot and then stopped next to her with a bit of a smile.  “You know, this is my last summer in Tripton.  I’ve put this off for far too long as it is.” He stopped, beginning to fidget with his fingers and slightly stammer.  Emily’s heart on the other hand, began to race and a radiant smile slowly crept onto her face.  Daniel continued, “So… so, I was hoping that maybe… well, that maybe you’d like to attend the festival with me.”  He paused as Emily smiled up at him, and gaining confidence, went on, “You know, it’s always fun to just wander around and see what there is to do by the river side during the fest.  It’ll be fun and...” he spit out this last part extra quickly, “I’d love to be able to spend the time with you.”

Emily, unable to respond, just wrapped her hands around him above his waste and buried her head into his chest for a few seconds before retreating and, now blushing, said with radiance, “I’d love to!”  Without a second thought, she spun around and ran off to her car, leaving a slightly stunned Daniel standing in the middle of the parking lot.

Catch and Press, observing the exchange from afar, watched as Daniel walked with a jovial briskness back into the zoo.

“Aww, now wasn’t that cute?” Press cooed.

Catch, unaffected in the slightest, replied, “If you say so.  It’s fortunate that this is the farthest extent of a romantic relationship she has.  It will be easy to break.”

“Well aren’t you a heart breaker, hmm?”

“Simply doing my job.  As you also should be doing.”

“Hey!” said Press defensively, “who says I’m not?”

“I do.”

Inside the safety of her Camry, Emily let her heart’s beating slow to a normal rate.  She had been kind of hoping for this for a while, but never actually believed Daniel actually held a real interest in her.  It was all she could do to keep from running back to him and giving him another hug.  That could wait.  She’d get another hug in time.  Another wonderful hug.

Next to her in the passenger’s seat, her cell phone buzzed.  It was a text message from her best friend, Natalie.  It read, “Hey Emmy whatcha up to this afternoon? ~Living Like My Last Day”

She replied, whispering what she typed to herself as she entered it into her phone, “Nothing planned. Why? Just got off work.”  She hit send as she thought, “I’ll tell her about Daniel the next time I see her in person.”

Natalie’s reply came quickly, “Great! I’m going for a walk at the park.  Wanna come? ~Living Like My Last Day”

Emily texted her that it sounded like an excellent idea and that she’d meet her there after changing out of her work clothes.  Setting the phone back onto the seat, she turned the ignition and the car started up.

Emily lived only a few miles away from the zoo, just on the other side of the river.  As she approached the bridge that would bring her to the west side, Emily noticed with great alarm that the gas pedal was pushing in of its own accord, quickly increasing her speed from thirty-five to fifty.  To further intensify her anxiety, the brake pedal seemed to be doing absolutely nothing, regardless of how far down she pushed it.  Before she could react in any other way, the wheel suddenly turned right violently, sending her off the road right before the bridge and straight into the torrent below.

“Holy shit!  That worked better than I expected!” exclaimed Press, watching the scene from the back of a van about one hundred yards offshore downstream.

“She better not be dead,” said Catch in his normal monotone.

“I assure you she’s perfectly fine,” Press paused, “well, er, maybe not fine, but she’s definitely not dead.”  He waited for some kind of reaction from Catch. Receiving nothing, he continued, somewhat awkwardly, “Right, um, I’ll go get her now.”

The next morning, Sam awoke earlier than usual; having suffered a series of terrifying dreams in which he’d watched Emily endure various forms of torture.  Trying to distract himself from the memory of the dreams, he scampered up and down and through the trees that made up his habitat.  Still, the dread that had accompanied the dreams remained and so he finally settled down in his favorite nest, waiting patiently for Emily to come as she’d promised the previous morning.  This time he would come down promptly and maybe even give her a hug if she crouched down to his level.  Time moved by slowly as the morning got brighter and brighter and the hunger gnawing at his stomach grew stronger and stronger.  She would be here any moment; she was never more than a few minutes late.  He’d see her walk around the bend in no more than a couple minutes.  He could hardly contain his excitement at the prospect of seeing the only being in the world he cared about besides Michael.  She was just about here, he could feel it.

She never came.

--------------------

And there you go!  Chapter one!  So, personally, I think I feel worse for Sam than I do for Daniel.  Haha... 'Course, I am his namesake.  On another note, I really like Catch and Press.  They play off of each other well and I was pleasantly surprised by how naturally they came out.  I was also surprised by the relationship between Emily and Daniel.  Originally, Daniel was simply gonna be a co-worker that Emily was saying goodbye to.  Then I realized that Emily wouldn't do that unless she was close to the co-worker.  Before I knew it, Daniel wasn't just a good friend, but a love interest.  Holy crap, the ways in which characters shape the story! Haha!  Hope it was enjoyable!

Keep in mind that this is aiming to be a community fiction... so while I of course want comments and criticism... I also want YOUR ideas as to where this should go... and of course that includes additional characters you'd like to see make it in.  So stop hesitating!  Leave a comment!  Thanks!

...signing out.

Too Little Time

Signing in...

So much to do, so little time.
The slogan of probably every American.
And most definitely every high school student.
Of course, my situation of "so much to do, so little time" is a great deal my fault (which is often, once again, the case with most people).  I all too easily let myself get distracted by things I'd rather do than what I need to do.
Like writing this blog post.  Not something I need to do.  Something I want to do.
Hmm, I was gonna write daily blog posts.  Maybe that'll happen when I finish my school work.  Maybe.
There's many things I want to do this summer.  Projects of sort.  Plant my garden, fix a broken PS3, build a bed-side table/book shelf like this, only not so much cus the whole books taking up half of the table thing just doesn't quite sit with me.
So the books can go on the sides... yes, both sides.  And it'll be cut to fit specific books, like that one.  Yes.  I have good idea.
I wanna start writing that fiction that I had you all create characters for.
I want to record myself playing Portal 2 for viewing pleasure.  (Of course, the PSN fiasco has to be resolved first.)
I also want to learn a few songs on piano.  Only, I've been wanting to do that since nearly a year ago... I've pretty well given up on that.  Any request to have the family piano tuned goes unheard for the most part.  =/ *sigh* Can't have everything.
But more immediately, I need to finish my school work.  Which requires I stop getting distracted.
You'd think that with 16 waking hours to spend each day, I'd be able to get a lot more done.
Ohhhh, life.
You know what, I'm gonna get back to work now, cus honestly, this is pathetic.
Like the new layout of the blog (changed a few days ago)?  I do.  So you better.
...signing out.

Resist the Feed

Signing in...

First of all, I wanna apologize for the rant my previous blog turned into.  That was not my intention when I started writing it.  I may touch on time more objectively sometime in the future, but until then...
Thanks to many of my friends.  Thanks to you I was able to (peacefully) clear up a lot of misunderstandings as well as a lot of things that'd been going through my head.

So I keep trying to find A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars... checked CD tradepost.  Nope.  Checked Borders with my 40% off coupon.  Nope.  I could prolly find it at Walmart or Target, but I'm too cheap.
I've been buying a lot of music lately.  Two days ago I (finally) bought Feeding the Wolves by 10 Years.  I love 10 Years.  They have some of the most impressive lyrical music these days, in my opinion. Can't believe I took so long grabbing this album.  Highly recommend it, though not as much as I'd recommend The Autumn Effect.  Division is fantastic also, but I'm still the largest fan of their debut album.

To the real subject.  Feed.  M.T. Anderson. This is a masterpiece of a story.  Beyond that, it really speaks out as satire of our society today.  As is typical for any good satire, Anderson puts an exaggerated (or is it not so exaggerated?) twist on our media focused society.
It's dance. It's dance, dance, dance. That's fun. Fun's fun, and fun's what you can have. There's nothing to stop you from fun.
That is the beginning of a typical advertisement that could be literally running through your head right now if you had a feed installed.
The Feed is a transmitter that is implanted in most people's brains at birth.  From that point onward, the Feed starts to create a profile for you, and then sends information, advertisement, and all other sorts of media directly to your brain.  As you engage in different activities and buy different things, that feed becomes more and more tuned to "who you are" and caters to that.  You become constantly bombarded by the media.  And it's normal.  The ability to think for yourself is slowly diminished.  You learn to let the feed tell you what is what.
I stood there wondering what it was that made her so beautiful.  She was looking at us like we were shit.  Her spine.  Maybe it was her spine.  Maybe it wasn't her face.  Her spine was, I didn't know the word.  Her spine was like . . . ?  The feed suggested "supple."
The story revolves around a normal kid raised in an American society where about 3/4 of the population had feeds implanted.  Furthermore, he lived in a normal suburban town where everyone had a feed.  It was easy to forget that some people didn't have them.  Anderson takes the reader into this world through the eyes of this teenage boy, Titus, who ends up meeting a girl named Violet, who still cares about what's happening to the world and challenges the feed.  Before Titus knows it, he finds himself spending more and more time with this abnormal girl.  Titus starts to really think for himself when Violet enters his life.  He starts to see how to be himself instead of what the Feed wanted him to be - a mindless consumer.
It was like she took my hand, or I took her hand, and we ducked through doorways, and together we went to an odd place, and it was a new place.  We went there holding hands.
The reader quickly gets just as caught up in Violet as Titus does, but from the very beginning, things are obviously going wrong.  And that fear of what the feed is doing slowly grows as the story goes by page by page.  Likewise, as the thrill of being with Violet and see the world in this whole new way starts to wain, Titus starts to become fearful of leaving what he has grown up believing.  He fears rejecting the feed.
The story extends beyond just the problems presented by a society that supports constant exposure to the media.  To consumerism.  It extends into a heart-wrenching story that left me throwing the book at the wall in the end.  It shows the kind of selfishness that comes out of a society like this.  It shows us how the "feed" can tear people apart.  How it can destroy everything that truly makes us human.
And it shows us how to resist it.
I couldn't recommend this enough, and I feel like I can't explain how wonderful a read it is without ruining it.
In my opinion, this is a must read for absolutely anyone and everyone.  And it's a relatively fast read anyway.  So please, go to the library, go to Borders, grab it off Amazon.  Borrow it from a friend.  Whatever.  READ IT.
Thanks. =)

Note:  You'll notice the collage of pictures and links I added to this post.  Their primary purpose is to give you a little idea of what I'm talking about.  The links go to Amazon, which generally has some kind of review and description of the product.  Use 'em if you like.  That's up to you.  Furthermore, if you end up buying a product I linked you to, I get a small referral.  Don't make that buy something you weren't already going to, though.  =)  Thanks for reading.

...signing out.

Time

Signing in...

I realized today more fully that people all too easily get caught up in time.

I mean, what is time but a method invented to keep track of when things have and will happen.  Quantifying time really isn't very possible.  All time truly measures is rotations of the earth in relationship to its orbit around the sun.  Ever had time "slow down" or "speed up"?  It comes down to how quickly our brains are processing information.  We are processing events and information much more quickly when we are enjoying ourselves or working hard.  This is why time can seem to "fly by".  On the other hand, when we're just idly passing time by, it seems to go much slower.  This is definitely our brains at work.

Essentially, one day can last much longer for a certain individual than it may for another.

That was my attempt at explaining time.  Basically, it's very, very relative.

Let me come to the points that spurred this.

This may go over some heads.  Some of you may think it's silly.  I believe it's true.  From the bottom of my heart.

I love my children.  Immensely.

"Now hold on a second," you say.  "You don't have any children.  You're 18."

Yeah.  At this "time", I don't have any children.  But I will.  I know this.  Now I could never explain to you why I know this, hell, I can't even explain it to myself.  But I KNOW I will have children.  And my love for them is larger than anything I have ever known. "How could you love someone who doesn't exist?"  They exist.  I just don't know them yet.  I haven't met them. They're existence hasn't met this world's "time" yet.  But it will.  And I look forward so much to meeting them.  Love exists outside of time.  Love isn't something of the brain... but of the heart and soul.

Second point.  This has more to do with time being relative to different people.

I tend to spend a lot of time thinking.  I think and I pray and then I do both at the same time, turning my thoughts into a conversation with God.  In a relatively short amount of time I can come to a decision that will affect my life substantially.  I don't need weeks to mull over a decision.  Essentially, I'm just going to keep having the same ideas, the same thoughts go through my head over and over again if I do that.

What I'm getting to is that the "time" I need for any kind of mental process is generally shorter than most other people.

Rather than skirt around what I'm trying to say like I often do, I'll just say it.  Close to two months ago, my long-time girlfriend and I broke up.  More technically, I broke up with her.  I had many reasons, and I'm not going to get into them here.  The problem that I'm running into is that many people think I've "gotten over" the relationship too quickly.  My argument is, what determines how long is "long enough"? There is no set amount of time that is required for becoming emotionally detached from someone.  It could take much, much longer for one person than another.  Of course, one has to take into account that my process of detachment did start before the break-up, but nonetheless, I admit, I didn't take long to "move on." And this is upsetting some people.  To me, I feel like transitions shouldn't have to take long if they don't need to.  I see no reason for me to elongate the break-up if it's not necessary.  It was a high school relationship.  It was intimate, yes.  We were close, yes.  But why ignore happiness when it's standing in front of you?

I don't feel required to conform to the idea that I should remain upset by the break-up.

Happiness is standing in front of me.

So the other problem arises.  I have grown close to a particular friend very quickly.  I have noticed this, my friend has noticed this; my other friends have noticed this.  But why not?  Why does "moving fast" have a negative connotation?  I'm a runner.  I like fast.  =P

It's not that I don't think things through.  I already clarified this.  It's not that I just grab feelings and let them take me for a joy-ride.  I'm careful, and take my steps with caution.

But there's such a thing as being too careful.  There's such a thing as missing something wonderful because you weren't willing to take the risk.

The past few weeks rank among the best I have had my entire high school career.  Why is this a bad thing?

This has sort of turned into a rant, and I apologize.  It's just that I feel attacked.  I feel like people are jumping to conclusions and not even taking the time to realize that I am conscious of what is going on... and that I'm so very happy.

To end, there's something to consider.  I realize that I make mistake in my decisions.  Many of my decisions I am now ashamed of.  But I'm not going to get down because of them, I'm going to learn from them.  Furthermore, I'm not going to lose trust in myself because I've made poor decisions in the past.  I realize I'm human and I realize that there are many things I do know know and do not understand.  But if I can't trust myself, then I can't trust anything.  Not even God.  So I will trust myself, because I know I have learned from my past and I know that God will continue to guide me, as I have watched him do so many times.  I hope others can trust me as well.

...signing out.

Weekly Fiction... I NEED CHARACTERS!

Signing in...

Okay, so I've always enjoyed writing fiction, but I haven't done much of it lately.  So, I'd like to try my hand at a fiction with weekly... possibly bi-weekly releases.  For it, though, I want YOU GUYS to give me some characters.  Sure, I could come up with them all myself, but it just isn't as fun that way.
Furthermore, as the story progresses, I'd like to hear your opinions and thoughts on how it should continue.  I may or may not use your idea, but I like the idea of building it off of the community.
Not that there's exactly a large community here...
So give me a character.  Give me a description of their personality, background, and appearance.  I may (very well will actually) tweak the character a little bit, but I'll try to stay fairly true to the character.  I'd like to use all the characters suggested, even if they're just minor roles, and will also always be open to new suggestions.
I think this will be fun, so I look forward to your contributions.
In case you didn't realize, you can comment, even if you don't have a google account.  You can just use a fill-in name or even comment as anonymous.
SO I BETTER GET A LOT OF REPLIES ON THIS BLOG POST.

...signing out.

Traveling and Other Homes

Signing in...

Been a super busy week.  But in a good way.  Busy like... spring break busy.  Full of awesomeness.
Anyway, my dear friend Zuzu notified me that the people were deprived due to my lack of blogging.  I'm sorry.  I seemed to only be able to do daily blogs for a week and a half or something.  Maybe I can get back to it.  I've always got something on my mind.

Soda comparison.

What's your favorite soda?  I prolly would either go for Dr. Pepper or Mountain Dew Voltage.  I really don't like the taste of regular Mountain Dew anymore... I've become too use to Voltage.

Actually, I'm not gonna compare.  Just state.  So again, what do you like best?

I've been traveling a lot.  Traveling to visit a friend.  Traveling to visit K-State, which I'm attending starting next fall semester. I got to stay overnight at the fraternity I'm joining with a couple friends.  Great guys there.  Great place.

But anyway, I love traveling.  Driving.  I don't mind that I spent nine hours traveling in total between the two trips.  Enjoyed it actually.  Except the last half hour before I returned "home".
"Home" has become considerably more home-like recently actually.  But I still just don't feel quite right here.  Just getting out of the house does wonders.  I'll go for a bike ride, hang out next to a creek that runs near where I live, or just drive to Borders or something.  More than that though, I like getting out of Wichita.

Maybe it's cus I'm ready to start college.  Maybe it's cus I really want the freedom that comes with being away from Wichita.  Maybe I'm just a bit tired of the place.  Whatever it is though, I definitely like leaving town.  The longer the better.  I really like visiting my friend in her small town.  It's a nice place and I feel very much at peace when I'm there.  It's the kind of place I want to live in when I'm older.  The kind of place I'd like to establish my Soda Fountain at.  The kind of place I'd like to raise kids at... hmm.

My "wanting to get out" doesn't really extend beyond Kansas.  I love Kansas.  I use to detest the flatness of it.  I thought it was null.  (Null - slang from Feed!  Will talk about this in the future!)  Not anymore though.  While I absolutely love a nice trip to the Rockies (after Kansas, Colorado and New Mexico are my favorite states), Kansas is definitely home and definitely where I feel right in.  I like the Flint Hills.  (Yay for moving to Manhappiness!)

I guess these days I find my home more in where I expect to be in the future.  This is maybe not the best train of thought... but then again, it's not like I'm not living in the present.  Actually, I think I am now more than ever.  It's just I know where I'm headed.  I know where I find and will continue to find a certain joy and peace.  I'm content with where I am.  But there's something more in going out and being in these "places of the future."

...signing out.