Re: Somebody That I Use To Know by Gotye (Kimbra)

Signing in...

I haven't posted for a long, long time, blah blah blah... here, read a few comics: http://thisunhappyending.blogspot.com/

I return in order to type my response to a blog post written by Taylor, a good friend of mine.  She talks about the two sides in the relationship that is sung about in Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know."  Really, if you're gonna read this, then you should read her post first.  Linky: http://kansastypewriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/somebody-that-i-use-to-know-by-gotye-kimbra/

You can find the video of the song in her post, but I'll give it to ya here also for easy access while you read mine.

Let's start off with this:  I'm not a fan of this song.  This song is popular because it sounds awesome.  People, of course, can relate to the lyrics and it definitely has a unique twist on the whole heartbreak song idea with it's involvement of both sides, but people like it because it is catchy.  (Just like any popular song out there.)  Here's why I'm not a fan:  Have you ever had a food or drink that you just cannot stomach because of past experiences?  For example, I rarely drink root beer not because I don't like it, but because on two separate occasions I've puked after drinking it.  Sure, my taste buds think root beer is a great idea, but my stomach does not.  As a result, even though root beer itself had nothing to do with my puking (I think) it still remains as a reminder of that ill feeling and no longer seems appetizing.  My dislike for Gotye's radio hit is kinda, sorta like that.

But none of that really has to do with anything.  I'm here to give my own thoughts on its message in response to Taylor's.  I'll clear this first, as a whole, I don't disagree with Taylor on her assessment.  I just have varying thoughts on some of the finer points.

The first thing that Taylor mentions is that the song is "obviously" a break-up song.  I don't so much think so. This song is about the time following the break-up and the (possibly greater) hurt that is found there.  The break-up came and went and is naturally referenced in the song, but that's the thing, it's over.  What they both cry for now is the way things went from there.

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

Only they're not still friends.  They "cut" each other out.  They treat each other "like strangers".  That's where the pain is.  At one point they were so very close.  They were intimate.  They celebrated they're triumphs together and they suffered they're greatest pains together.  But none of that matters now.  And it hurts.

Focus on the way the song is presented.  The two versus talk about the break-up and the pain that they caused each other, but these things are simply remembered in spoken of.  They are not the current problem. Soft voices are used.  It's the chorus that hits in hard.

But you didn't have to cut me off 
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing 
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your of number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

-

Taylor argues that the man (Gotye) set up unreal expectations for the woman (Kimbra).  She says that he never loved her.  I feel that they both loved one another plainly and strongly at one point.  I agree that expectations were set up, but on both sides, and is that not to be expected?  Rather, should that not be the way of it?  Anger and sadness is inevitable in any relationship.  The key is to find that person where the highlights of your relationship are not the bad times, but the countless good ones.  Somebody that you're able to resolve your differences with in order to fully bask in the good.  These two, in the end, were just not gonna be able to make it.  To me, this sounds like a relationship that they tried to make work for too long, and then when the inevitable finally happened, it made everything worse.

Gotye sings: 

I told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

The man that Gotye portrays seems to be a very internal person.  He thinks about and considers most everything, and tries to consider all the angles.  Unfortunately, he seems to have a certain amount of depression (and is something he'll have to learn to work with.)  As a result, in most assessments of people, motives, and situations, it's the negative ones that often stick out to him.  He knows that he and Kimbra have been happy together.  He knew he was able to make Kimbra happy, even if he was secretly dying inside.  He falsely convinced himself that he could and would make be there for Kimbra, even if it meant his own loneliness and unhappiness.  Don't get my wrong, this is not an admirable trait.  It's a plague, if anything.  While he may find success in small instances, he will break at times, and even when he doesn't, Kimbra will notice.  A person can never successfully hide their pain from another that they're so close to.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

Here is another sign of that depression.  When a person starts looking for pain and deceit in everything, that "sadness" becomes addicting since it becomes one of the only ways they can feel.  They realize that is hurts and is bad, but they don't want it to stop.  They're not even sure why.  Maybe it's because it's the only thing they're sure of, and they don't wanna lose that.  Or maybe it's something else entirely.  All that matters is that it's seemingly inescapable.
The end mentioned in the verse is obviously an end to their relationship.  Gotye continuously sees the end coming from every direction, and more than once, he interprets things Kimbra says or does as sure signs of that end.  He truly does resign himself to it and masochistically feeds on it.

Having been close to Gotye, Kimbra knows his personality and the way he looks at things and how he then follows up with an (often negetive) approach, hence:

But I don't want to live that way

reading into every word you say

She realized that Gotye probably rarely spoke the whole truth, often (subconsciously) testing her reactions to situations and words, and often hiding how he truly felt about something.  She admirably tried for a long time to get it right.  To be that woman for him that could lift him up, but it was eventually something she could not handle.

The thing is, he held on because he was almost incapable of letting go.  Meanwhile, she tried for far too long to get it right when it just wasn't something she was capable of doing.  This isn't a dash against her person, but simply a difference between the two that is far too wide.  Finally, she let go.

But as I mentioned in the beginning, this is not a break-up song.  This is post break-up.  Unfortunately, in the wake of a bad break-up things were done and said, and negative memories have festered and grown to blot out the good ones.  More and more Gotye learns to despise Kimbra and Kimbra learns to avoid and forget Gotye.  Even if initially they were able to see both sides and come to somewhat of an understanding, those sentiments are all but forgotten.  Before they know it, the time they spent together had nothing good in it and for both sides, the pain caused was almost entirely the other's fault.  Look at the harshness of the words and listen to the way they are presented.  "You cut me off", "you stooped so low", "you treat me like a stranger." There is nothing but contempt here.  While Kimbra, never actually joins in on the chorus, I've always gotten the impression that it is a mutual message from both of them to the other.

In the end, unfortunately, there will always be something unresolved here.  But hopefully they both learned and gained from the experience.  Hopefully Gotye will find a woman who is able to more easily read him and lift him up, while he is less harsh on both himself and her.  Meanwhile, hopefully Kimbra can find a man who thinks more simply and straight-forward while she learns to be a little more understanding and forthcoming with her own thoughts and emotions.

This song is about two people who once had a very good, strong thing going.  Unfortunately, it never was completely right and it lasted too long.  But that's life and love for ya.  Just gotta learn from it and keep on going.

Sam is signing off.