Today was not one of those days, mind you. (Actually, I guess I should say yesterday, since it's 2:17 in the morning.) Ahh, I take that back... in the way I'm about to explain, it was one of those days.
I probably am actually going insane. I'll end up in an asylum by the time I'm 50. I say more and more strange things... do more and more strange things when I don't have 100% control over my mind. This is often when I'm tired. That's the "crazy" kid that most people see... the tired one... the one who's not really thinking cus he's half asleep. It used to be entertaining. That was when it was more under control. Now it's just strange. I think I often freak people out. It's not a side of me that I'm particularly ashamed of. But I don't know if I like it.
I mean, for most of my life I've been the crazy, strange kid. But that was crazy and strange in a good way. This is... less of a good way.
I'm not worried about that though. I mean, it's whatever I guess. If I scare people away, that's life I guess. If I get made fun of for it, well, I'm use to being made fun of. Hell, I make fun of myself half the time.
I go insane in a completely different way when I lose control of my mind in other ways. Anger. Emotional trauma. Complete lack of sleep, not just a little bit of drowsiness or exhaustion. I lose sense of what's true and what's not true. I'm not sure who I am or who the people around me are. (Not in an amnesia kind of way.) I become overwhelmed by... well I don't know what... it starts to show physically. Through pain... through body movements. Whatever.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
I often sing when I'm not in a proper state of mind. There's a particular tune I often use... I'm not sure if it's a real one or if I made up. I actually think it's a real tune that I contorted. I'll make up words for it. Often just narrate what I'm doing. Something before me... "Chicken broth. Chicken broth with carrots. Chicken broth with carrots. Chicken broth with chicken. Chicken broth with noodles. Chicken broth with carrots. Nice, soft carrots..."
I like carrots but it's not like I have a particular obsession with them.
Don't bother me.
Here's a link to a nice eerie cover of "Sweet Dreams" that Emily Browning for the movie Sucker Punch (which is coming out today... hell ya for working at a theater and getting to see movies the night before they release.) Anyway, it's fantastic. I'm gonna be grabbing this soundtrack tomorrow morning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcxRtLpkAkQ
.... "Some of them want to use you... some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you... some of them want to be abused by you...."
....signing out.
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