Time

Signing in...

I realized today more fully that people all too easily get caught up in time.

I mean, what is time but a method invented to keep track of when things have and will happen.  Quantifying time really isn't very possible.  All time truly measures is rotations of the earth in relationship to its orbit around the sun.  Ever had time "slow down" or "speed up"?  It comes down to how quickly our brains are processing information.  We are processing events and information much more quickly when we are enjoying ourselves or working hard.  This is why time can seem to "fly by".  On the other hand, when we're just idly passing time by, it seems to go much slower.  This is definitely our brains at work.

Essentially, one day can last much longer for a certain individual than it may for another.

That was my attempt at explaining time.  Basically, it's very, very relative.

Let me come to the points that spurred this.

This may go over some heads.  Some of you may think it's silly.  I believe it's true.  From the bottom of my heart.

I love my children.  Immensely.

"Now hold on a second," you say.  "You don't have any children.  You're 18."

Yeah.  At this "time", I don't have any children.  But I will.  I know this.  Now I could never explain to you why I know this, hell, I can't even explain it to myself.  But I KNOW I will have children.  And my love for them is larger than anything I have ever known. "How could you love someone who doesn't exist?"  They exist.  I just don't know them yet.  I haven't met them. They're existence hasn't met this world's "time" yet.  But it will.  And I look forward so much to meeting them.  Love exists outside of time.  Love isn't something of the brain... but of the heart and soul.

Second point.  This has more to do with time being relative to different people.

I tend to spend a lot of time thinking.  I think and I pray and then I do both at the same time, turning my thoughts into a conversation with God.  In a relatively short amount of time I can come to a decision that will affect my life substantially.  I don't need weeks to mull over a decision.  Essentially, I'm just going to keep having the same ideas, the same thoughts go through my head over and over again if I do that.

What I'm getting to is that the "time" I need for any kind of mental process is generally shorter than most other people.

Rather than skirt around what I'm trying to say like I often do, I'll just say it.  Close to two months ago, my long-time girlfriend and I broke up.  More technically, I broke up with her.  I had many reasons, and I'm not going to get into them here.  The problem that I'm running into is that many people think I've "gotten over" the relationship too quickly.  My argument is, what determines how long is "long enough"? There is no set amount of time that is required for becoming emotionally detached from someone.  It could take much, much longer for one person than another.  Of course, one has to take into account that my process of detachment did start before the break-up, but nonetheless, I admit, I didn't take long to "move on." And this is upsetting some people.  To me, I feel like transitions shouldn't have to take long if they don't need to.  I see no reason for me to elongate the break-up if it's not necessary.  It was a high school relationship.  It was intimate, yes.  We were close, yes.  But why ignore happiness when it's standing in front of you?

I don't feel required to conform to the idea that I should remain upset by the break-up.

Happiness is standing in front of me.

So the other problem arises.  I have grown close to a particular friend very quickly.  I have noticed this, my friend has noticed this; my other friends have noticed this.  But why not?  Why does "moving fast" have a negative connotation?  I'm a runner.  I like fast.  =P

It's not that I don't think things through.  I already clarified this.  It's not that I just grab feelings and let them take me for a joy-ride.  I'm careful, and take my steps with caution.

But there's such a thing as being too careful.  There's such a thing as missing something wonderful because you weren't willing to take the risk.

The past few weeks rank among the best I have had my entire high school career.  Why is this a bad thing?

This has sort of turned into a rant, and I apologize.  It's just that I feel attacked.  I feel like people are jumping to conclusions and not even taking the time to realize that I am conscious of what is going on... and that I'm so very happy.

To end, there's something to consider.  I realize that I make mistake in my decisions.  Many of my decisions I am now ashamed of.  But I'm not going to get down because of them, I'm going to learn from them.  Furthermore, I'm not going to lose trust in myself because I've made poor decisions in the past.  I realize I'm human and I realize that there are many things I do know know and do not understand.  But if I can't trust myself, then I can't trust anything.  Not even God.  So I will trust myself, because I know I have learned from my past and I know that God will continue to guide me, as I have watched him do so many times.  I hope others can trust me as well.

...signing out.